Question…. Why do people get married? I mean seriously. This is a real question that I have.
My long time good girlfriend (in my head) Jill Scott is ending her marriage of only 15 months. Which is just a little over a year. The word on the curb is that Jill filed for divorce based on the famous “irreconcilable differences” and “improper marital conduct.” In addition to her claims, her soon to be ex husband has stated that Jill is “Evil” and “likes to emasculate her mates.”
Now when I hear things like this, especially so soon after a couple has gotten married. I can’t help but wonder “Why are you just noticing this?” Listen, please don’t get me wrong I get it. I have heard people say that once a ring is placed on the 4th finger of the left hand, things change. And I am not going to dispute that. But behaviors such as what Jill’s husband has said she has displayed. Those particular behaviors just don’t come about over night.
So once again, I am left the same old question “Why do people get married?” Are folks just rushing into these marriages, without thinking things through? Maybe, just maybe folks just living solely off that dopamine phase. Therefore leaving them so caught up, not to realize that this high won’t last. Or do they reconize these behaviors early on. Only to dismiss them? While hoping that things would get greater later.
Unfortunately only to discover that after time, later never comes along, and then everyone wants to bail.
I do get that a marriage union is not a easy situation to maintain. But with couples jumping ship so quickly, it seems as if they are not even trying. You can not tell me that after only 1 year of marriage, you have exhausted all the resources that are available. It seems to me that couples are dismissing these relationships so quickly, because the option to bail is made easy.
Like maybe if the thought or option to leave wasn’t so easy to obtain, people would be more inclined to fight for their marriages.
Marriage today, has become like some of these jobs. The turnover rate is high as hell! Gone are the days of our elders. Where marriages would actually last. Husbands would not walk out on their families. Wives would stick by their husbands, thought thick and thin. And divorce was not even spoken of, no matter what challenges were faced.
Is it safe to say that unions were built on more solid foundation then? Or were folks trained to stand by their mates, no matter what? Because that’s what was done before them? And all they knew was that couples stayed together.
I honestly really don’t have an answer to that, but I do know this. We have to practice taking the time in getting to know one another. We must also know that even if you spend a lifetime with someone, you’ll never fully know them. But what you do know, you can and are willing to accept. And that those things that you make exceptions for, won’t become problematic later on down the line.
Lastly, we have to really start taking these unions more seriously. Only marry when you know and feel it is right. And if you have any slight doubts in your mind about this person, then slow down. Maybe this person is not “The Person” and they are only the pit stop you make. Before you get to the right one.