Love & Relationships

Distressed And Divorcing | “Why Do People Get Married?”

Question…. Why do people get married? I mean seriously. This is a real question that I have.

My long time good girlfriend (in my head) Jill Scott is ending her marriage of only 15 months. Which is just a little over a year. The word on the curb is that Jill filed for divorce based on the famous “irreconcilable differences” and “improper marital conduct.” In addition to her claims, her soon to be ex husband has stated that Jill is “Evil” and “likes to emasculate her mates.”

Now when I hear things like this, especially so soon after a couple has gotten married. I can’t help but wonder “Why are you just noticing this?” Listen, please don’t get me wrong I get it. I have heard people say that once a ring is placed on the 4th finger of the left hand, things change. And I am not going to dispute that. But behaviors such as what Jill’s husband has said she has displayed. Those particular behaviors just don’t come about over night.

So once again, I am left the same old question “Why do people get married?” Are folks just rushing into these marriages, without thinking things through? Maybe, just maybe folks just living solely off that dopamine phase. Therefore leaving them so caught up, not to realize that this high won’t last. Or do they reconize these behaviors early on. Only to dismiss them? While hoping that things would get greater later.

Unfortunately only to discover that after time, later never comes along, and then everyone wants to bail.

I do get that a marriage union is not a easy situation to maintain. But with couples jumping ship so quickly, it seems as if they are not even trying. You can not tell me that after only 1 year of marriage, you have exhausted all the resources that are available. It seems to me that couples are dismissing these relationships so quickly, because the option to bail is made easy.

Like maybe if the thought or option to leave wasn’t so easy to obtain, people would be more inclined to fight for their marriages.

Marriage today, has become like some of these jobs. The turnover rate is high as hell! Gone are the days of our elders. Where marriages would actually last. Husbands would not walk out on their families. Wives would stick by their husbands, thought thick and thin. And divorce was not even spoken of, no matter what challenges were faced.

Is it safe to say that unions were built on more solid foundation then? Or were folks trained to stand by their mates, no matter what? Because that’s what was done before them? And all they knew was that couples stayed together.

I honestly really don’t have an answer to that, but I do know this. We have to practice taking the time in getting to know one another. We must also know that even if you spend a lifetime with someone, you’ll never fully know them. But what you do know, you can and are willing to accept. And that those things that you make exceptions for, won’t become problematic later on down the line.

Lastly, we have to really start taking these unions more seriously. Only marry when you know and feel it is right. And if you have any slight doubts in your mind about this person,  then slow down. Maybe this person is not “The Person” and they are only the pit stop you make. Before you get to the right one.

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  • Reema

    I do believe that “back in the day” vows were taken as they were meant to be taken…forever! Nowadays, not so much. We know that we have that option of divorce and won’t be judged if we chose to. It’s unfortunate that some folks do not evaluate the full situation before hand because they are in that “honeymoon” phase and choose to look past it because there is no way signs are not being displayed. I, myself have seen women get married just for the title or financial situation. It doesn’t last! I married out of love. Boohoo, that didn’t last either. Lol. I chose to ignore all signs knowing things wouldn’t change. I also changed once I took my vows. I played the role of the perfect housewife while hubby went to work. That was almost 15 years ago. I’ve wizened up! Marriage is not for everyone and I just think we are put in this box of how society thinks we should be.

    • Toni Wiggins

      Things happen, and you have learned from those mistakes. I think it’s very unfortunate that we place ourselves in these situations, because it ruins the experience. And no marriage is not for everyone! We just have to know what we truly want, and stop kidding ourselves.

  • Bridgid

    I know people that have gotten married for various reasons. I definitely think that marriage counseling before getting married should be something that everyone does. I feel like it would prevent a lot of marriages that aren’t ready to happen and help prevent a lot of divorces as well.

  • Crystal Nicole

    I posed a similar question on my blog about why people get married, but I think the values surrounding marriage have changed over the years, as evident in the divorce rate. I feel like a lot of people get married just because they think it’s what they have to do. I don’t understand how you don’t realize the characteristics of your partner before you marry them. I know we all have things we don’t necessarily reveal right away, but I don’t think the changes are that drastic just because you get married.

  • Sarah

    Marriage is such a personal thing! I know people who have known each other forever, who’ve gotten divorced and others who’ve stayed together longer than I expected. I also know people who’ve stayed in marriages they probably shouldn’t have! I think it’s always a mixed bag, but I do believe marriage should be taken seriously and cautiously!

  • Chelsea

    I’m married and it definitely takes work. My husband and I went to pre-marital and post-marital counseling. We also try to go periodically to keep the lines of communication open. There is hope.

  • Kirstin N. Fuller

    I firmly believe that people took vows more seriously back in the day. From the few divorces I’ve seen, I think those couples married for all the wrong reasons. It’s a tough one, but I believe at the end of the day you get out of a relationship/marriage what you put into it!

  • Kita

    Before my husband passed away, I found myself asking “why did we get married?” Marriage is a commitment and a bond that two people have to be ready for. It sounds good but it is hard work.

  • Carissa

    I have learned there are many reasons people get married. I am 5 years in and we married for love…I never married with the thought that I could walk at any time. I wanted this marriage to be my first and only so I think when you go into it with the thought that if this doesnt work then I can walk there is always that option there!

  • Ola

    Marriage is a sacred vow. But today it’s not seen as such. Most of the things that used to happen within the confines of a marriage now happen outside of it (sex, living together, buying a home together, vacationing, having a family, etc). So it sort of devalues it in the eyes of some. It’s just like you said – marriage has become a job with a high turnover rate. Some people don’t even try to work things out, divorce is the first option. Others simply can’t fix what’s broken- it takes two to make it work. It’s very sad actually.

  • Jaye

    There are as many reasons why people get married as there are people. Humans are complex and go into relationships for so many different reasons, so there is no one answer. Also some people just dont want to put in the work that is required to sustain relationships.

  • Eva

    For better or for worse definitely doesn’t mean what it used to mean. Not very many of the people who were getting married when I was are still together, but the ones who are are the ones who are really doing the work and sticking together.

  • Michelle Thames

    A lot of people don’t go by till death do us part anymore. Some give up so easily. Marriage is hard work and if you are determined to keep it together you will through it all. Ive been married 4 years and planning on many more. You have to do the work though its not magic.

  • Ramona C

    Great post. I’m not married, but understand what you’re saying. I’m not married because I haven’t found “my person” yet. You are correct, marriages can be rushed and not thought through. This leads to high turnover (divorce). You give good advice…slow down and get to know the person before rushing to the altar.

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