Love & Relationships

What Do Women Really Want | “Friends With Benefits”

I am unsure if it’s because as women, we are looked to be emotional, sensitive, loving, nurturing and caring. Maybe because we are known to be these big ball of emotions. We are looked at as these creatures who needs, wants and craves to be apart of a serious relationships. We hear countless stories about how women are always the ones to get caught up in these “situationships. All the while, men only actually ok with having “friends with benefits” relationships.

As of lately, times has changed, and things are shifting. Women are becoming more comfortable with who they are sexually. Not only are they becoming more comfortable with who they are sexually, but they are no longer shy with vocalizing their wants and needs either. And now we are left with many women who don’t want relationships.


Ladies how many times have you’ve been just “kicking it” with a dude, and you tell him up front “Listen I’m not looking for anything serious. Just a little friends with benefits situation right now. Is that ok?” And he say’s “Yeah it’s cool because I’m not looking for anything too deep myself.”

Everyone seems to be on the same page in the beginning. You may have gotten out of a serious relationship and your just looking for anything deep. Or you may “like” the dude but not enough to allow anything serious to materialize out of the situation. He’s cool in a lustful way, and that’s how far it goes.

Time has gone by and you’ve spent a couple of months together just kicking it. Hanging with one another and enjoying each other’s company, which includes a little late night game of bed tag. In your mind everything is cool and running smoothly, when all of a sudden dude gets different on you. Very different.

He wants more time, seems to get in his feelings about the possibility of you entertaining other dudes. Suddenly he decides to hit you with the “I want to take this to another level, how about you?” Although your flattered but your completely mortified at the same damn time. And you can’t help but think “What in the fuck just happened?”

The truth of the matter is that no one and I mean no one is exempt from getting caught up, and catching feelings. Including men.

In the beginning you may think to yourself that you could handle a little play with no strings attached. The fact of the matter is things are subjected to change without notice at any given time. We can not control feelings, man nor woman. We can suppress them as a way of hiding them, but that only makes matters worst.

The difference between men and woman is this, men are just better suppresses than us woman are. Well most are. Contrary to popular belief there are tons of woman out here who are not looking for anything serious. Maybe she’s had her heart broken a few times. So she has just decided that at this time, being in a serious relationship is just not for her. And there is nothing with wrong with that. As long as you are very clear and upfront with the other party in the very beginning.

Let everyone involved have the option to decide if this is what they want. And if both parties are on the same page, then go for it. Just proceed with caution, and don’t have these unrealistic thoughts. Thoughts that you can change the other party into wanting something more. That realization has to come when or if it feels right to them.

Also keep in mind, that these no strings attached relationships has a expiration date. You shouldn’t be bringing in years together. By doing so, you open yourself up for a lot of unwanted feelings. Plus you are now involved in a full blown open relationship unbeknownst to you.

So yes there are some of us ladies out here who are only interested in having a good time. And if your on of those ladies kudos to you, just remember to play it safe.



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  • LC @ A Life of Authenticity

    I agree with you; no matter where you land on this point you must be open and honest with the other person up front. If you both walk into the situation with open eyes people are less likely to get hurt. Now, as you aptly said both men and women can catch feelings when the other isn’t really that into them, but either way you must be honest with yourself and the other person. If you do catch feelings you need to acknowledge it, share your feelings with the other person and be ready to walk away if that’s not what they want, because you’ve changed the rules of engagement!

  • Mimi Green

    When I was single and having fun I ran into one of these situations. It’s tough when only one person catches feelings. That life is long past me and I don’t miss it.

  • Joanna

    I was never about having a good time. I tried it and deemed it wasn’t for me. I’m single and focusing on other things at the moment. When the time comes, I guess my views will change.

  • Keisha

    Yes the most important part of it is honesty and clearly communicating your intentions. Most of us have been on the receiving end of both. I would feel better knowing a persons intentions and I can make my own decision on moving forward with him or moving on.

  • Tiffani G

    I had stopped looking for something serious when I met my husband. We were supposed to be casual because I had plans to move out of state the next year–but we both caught feelings. It’s always good to be honest about your expectations up front, though.

  • Jennifer

    I agree with being honest and maintaining open communication. If someone does not want to be in a relationship, they should really let the other person know. I remember dealing with issues like this when I was dating. I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with that headache now!

  • Toiia L. Rukuni

    I agree with being honest from the very beginning of any relationship, and it is key not to look for anything in a relationship, because when you are looking for something that is when you are less likely not to find what it is you are looking for, if that makes sense?

  • Nay

    TRUTH! I also feel there are a lot of ladies who just want to be in a “situation”. Basically no title but they would do everything that you’d do in a relationship but no commitment.

  • Evelyn Reese

    Honesty is alway best for all parties. When either person catches the feeling and wants something more, they should share that information and if both agree to move forward. However, generally someone is always hurt in this type of situation. I agree to proceed with caution!

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