Parenting is in no way easy. And single parenting is hard, very hard. There is no rule book on how to parent. People can tell you how hard or even how rewarding it can be, but in no way can anyone mentally prepare you for what’s to come. There are a lot of trail, error and missteps along the way. One this is for sure, parenting is a lot of hard work!
The day that I found out I was pregnant with my first child, I had such high hopes. The fantasy of having a two parent home. Loving on my baby, and just being the best mother that I could be to her.
Initially, being a mother was never something I dreamt about. Actually, having children and being married was not on the top of my list of things to do. While my friends were dreaming of what wedding dresses they would wear. Or how many children they would have. My mind, drew a blank in that area. I instead, dreamt of being a business woman, and having a career. Not being someone’s wife or mother.
No one can truly prepare you for life, but life. I became a first time mother at the age of 25, and then I had another child at the age of 32. An unwed mother of two. Who knew, go figure? I ended up with half of the fairytale like many other of my friends. Of course the relationship between the kids father and I, just did not work out. Also to make matters worst, when my girls were just 1 and 7, their father was murdered. And that’s when I officially became a single mother.
My days and nights were no longer filled with dreams of happiness. They were now filled with many tears of sorrow and the feeling of regret. Before I could even really dream a new dream, my life was interrupted and put on pause. And just like that I too became yet another statistic.
Single parents catch a lot of slack. Maybe we fail to make the best decisions when it comes to mates. Honestly, no one can predict what the outcome will be of any relationship. You can be married today, and divorced tomorrow. You can have two parents in one house and there still be only one parent, parenting.
These days I have settled into single parenting a bit more. It’s been 7yrs since the girls father has been laid to rest, and so much has changed. My oldest is in that awkward stage, where she wants friends. She wants to fit in with everyone, while trying to figure out who she is. Her attitude sucks most of the time, and she doesn’t listen. She just talks (who hasn’t been there. I know I have) because she thinks she has all the answers. In addition part of her is trying to mature at the same time. Which aides her, in her making the worst decisions ever!
I am on her back constantly, which can be very tiresome. There are some days when I want to throw my hands up in the air, and give up. But it’s that toughness inside of me that refuses to give up on my child, plus I refuse to fail her. She’s technically not bad, just her decision making is horrible as hell. Which is typical for most children her age. I pray and have faith that she is only going through a stage, and that eventually all of this will change. My youngest however is so different, for now. I do not have any issues with her and I pray it stays that way.
For the most part we have our good days, and our bad days. No parenting is not always great, but it’s not always bad either. So don’t give up on yourself, or your babies. You are not the only one out here struggling to raise kids. Just have faith that it will get greater later, and keep your eye on the prize. Those babies!