Love & Relationships

Single And Ready To Mingle | “Are You Dating Properly?”

Single and ready to mingle…

Alright, so you are single and ready to mingle. Or are you?

Often times once us gals become single, and get over whatever mess we have come out of. We think we are ready to plunge back into the dating world. We never stop and ask ourselves. “Am I ready to start dating again?” (That’s a whole other topic). Now if you do and the answer is “Yes” then ask yourself “Am I dating properly?” In case you were unaware, there is a proper and improper way to date. And as women, we seem to fall short in that area.

Sorry ladies, it’s true.

Dating…… Some people love it, while others hate it. It’s pretty much that simple. You meet a few people here and there, then you go out on a series of dates. Some repeatedly, while others don’t make it past “Hello”.

Often times, we may meet a guy. He’s looking real good on paper. He can carry decent conversation. Got a stable job, a stable living situation, a stable mental space (which is super important. Don’t sleep ladies). Has all of his original teeth, which are in great condition, might I add. If he has children, he’s seeds are not planted everywhere. He has a good relationship with his child/children mother, is proactive in his child/children lives. And his social media is looking right ( insert the eye roll emoji here). Bells go off immediately!

Since meeting a single, black man who is the total package, isn’t a everyday occurrence. We are already walking the man down the isle mentally.

Ladies, my ladies. Instead of taking our time, and getting to know the man on a friendship level. We are ready to rush right in, within 1 month. Then we become upset with him, 6 months in. Once we find out he’s not as perfect as he seemed. Unfortunately for you, he has failed to express the fact that he likes to wear woman’s panties on his down time (This is not as uncommon as you think).

The fact of the matter is, we are missing the essence and the art of dating. You should be taking your time, getting to know one another on a friendship level. Nothing more, nothing less. And it’s ok to date more than one guy. I said date, not sleep with. Although if that’s your thing I’m not knocking you, trust me.

I mean I get it, there’s no way to know everything about a person, no matter how long you have known them. So that’s not what I am implying. All that I am saying is before you start getting starry eyed. You should at least give yourself the time and opportunity to know an individual longer than 1 month. And by taking your time, you can achieve that.

Ladies use this time to exercise your right to put your best foot forward. Don’t make it harder than it needs to be. Take your time. Meet an abundance of new people. That’s is the only way for you to decide what you truly want, and what you are truly looking for in a mate. And what better way to find out, by meeting and getting to know a bunch of random folks?

In all actuality, dating is just a easier way of adding or subtracting new/old people into and from your life. This should be a fun process, and you should be treating it as such. For me personally, I like to met new people. And if your interesting and intriguing, well that’s just an added bonus!

Lastly whatever it is that you are planning to do. Do it safely, ok? So that you can truly be single and ready to mingle the right way!

Toni

XOXO ?

16 Comments

  • Kita

    I am single and not on the dating scene yet. I am actually enjoying this time getting to know myself. Great tips for those getting out there.

  • Mimi Green

    Rushing generally never works out in any scenario. I became single at 22 after being in a relationship for 6 years. I was ready to see my royal oats and I did for 2 years.

    While not checking for a man and or love it found me. It was natural and I didn’t have to force it.

  • Daria

    Great tips for someone that is in the single category. Definitely informative and great advice for some that is getting back on the scene. It’s all about having fun and not rushing, enjoying the time together. Thanks for sharing!

  • Tiffany H.

    This is so true! I think women are not dating, they are falling in love after 1 date and one month of talking. I guarantee after 6 months, his true colors will show and you can see if you need to move forward. I know people are having sex, it feels good or right but i def think it def clouds our judgement. You will here people say, he is a mess but he sex is good so they stay. Def date first before serious feeling involve. Im still on the fence about dating multiple people. On one hand, I feel you should because you are not committed but then on the other hand how do you really connect with multiple people on the intimacy level

    • Toni Wiggins

      I totally get what your saying with the multiple people. I used to feel the same way. But what I have come to realize for myself is. Sometimes we out so much attention on one individual, become wrapped up into that individual. And then boom your dating. Even if your dating two people, or hell maybe 3, you are going to connect more with one than the other.
      As women we just get so wrapped up so quickly. And then get our little feelings hurt. And if we could just take a step back, and rethink. Take our time, we would be better off.

  • Elle Cole (CleverlyChanging)

    You need to go into the cities and launches and blast this sage advice because so many women what a perfect man and are not perfect themselves. I believe people should have fun, but be wise.

  • Toiia L. Rukuni

    These are great tips for people that are ready to get back into the dating scene. I think that dating should be about having fun, getting to know the person, and taking your time to cultivate a meaningful and healthy relationship.

  • T. Espinoza

    I’ve been out of the dating world for quite some time but this is definitely great advice. Both men and women should spend more time looking inward and loving and improving themselves. If you do that, you’ll attract what you want.

  • Karen Akpan

    Definitely not single as I’ve been with my husband for 9 yeara but you give great tips. The thought of dating makes me cringe because I hated it lol. It’s nice to know you’re with one person and just enjoy each other vs figuring who is real and who isn’t

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