Lifestyle,  Love & Relationships

Sexless In the City | “Dating And Surviving As A Single Woman”

Sexless in the city…

Dating *sigh* is stressful as hell. We are living in a world where dating is sort of like Survivor. Only the strong survives. And the only way to show your strength, and make it to the next round. You must battle it out with tons of other women. But there’s great news! If you survive, then you are gifted that awesome peanut butter and jelly sandwich. That peanut butter and jelly sandwich that you have been dying for.

But wait…..

What if, you are currently in a comfortable space, in this phase in your life? What if being attached isn’t something that you are looking to be? Or what if you are just unwilling to settle? Unwilling to settle for what’s coming your way. Like the prospective male suitors that you have been encountering, just isn’t doing it for you. And you’re currently ok with being that single chick who is sexless in the city. Until further notice any way.

For some odd reason, folks look at being single as this unfortunate situation to be in. But what some folks fail to understand is, that being single is not a horrible thing. Weirdly enough, there is this stigma placed on you. That if you are a single woman with kids, you have got to be lonely, problematic, and miserable!

One thing that people never stop to think about is that maybe you are single voluntarily. Most times depending on where you are in life, you may desperately need to be unattached. Way too often, many of us fear being alone (which is a huge problem). And that fear drives us to place ourselves in situations that are not conducive to our well being. Past situations may have made you come to realize, that time alone is needed. Needed to better assist you in becoming a better you. Which will help you attract the right people into your life. So for now, you are happy and appreciate your status of being single.

In addition, there are perks in being single. LIke having the option to causally date. And I do enjoy going out on dates, well most of the time. Unless I am too lazy to look real cute, be interesting and engaging all at once.

However when I am upbeat and in the mood. I like the aspect of meeting and learning new people. The horrible part is shifting through all of the men that comes your way. Often times, you do run across a few duds, well lots of duds. Some of who that are totally boring and not that interesting. They are unable to engage properly and so carrying conversations with them can be painful to say the least.

One of the major downsides to not being in a relationship is that you don’t have constant companionship. Especially at times when it is truly needed. Oh and there’s also the sexless part, which can be quite horrible at times. But overall, it’s doable.

With all of this being said, being single isn’t the end of the world. Dating isn’t half bad either. What ever you choose to do, just make sure it makes you happy. Never feel pressured to rush into something because you feel like thats what you need to do. In order to be happy. If being single is the right thing for you to be at this time, then be that. And if you are no longer interested in being single and sexless in the city, then date. But which ever route you decided to take, just take your time doing so. You don’t want to enter a relationship where it’s not adding to your life in a positive way.

Until next time, be happy and great while being Sexless In The City!


Toni ?


  • Crystal Nicole

    I agree! Singlehood isn’t a death sentence and dating isn’t completely bad (but it sure isn’t the best, either). At the end of the day, enjoy whatever you choose to do. It’s your time and your life.

  • Ngumabi

    Nice article
    There are many opinions out there about singlehood but most people ignore the fact that some people choose to be single at least for a while. Being single is not miserable all the time

  • Dominique

    Totally, well said… For some, being single IS the end of the world. Simply because those individuals don’t take the time out to get to know themselves and enjoy their own company. (which is one of the greatest things on Earth)

    • Toni Wiggins

      Yes and it is sad that some folks equate being a part of something as reaching the plateau of happiness. Without it they are lost and broken. All things come in due time. Patience is needed and in that time of patience, being familiar with you is needed. So that you know exactly what it is you want and need out of a partner

  • Dahlene

    I choose to be single because I have trust issues with good reason. My husband and a few others knew nothing about being in a faithful and committed relationship. Also, my inbox is full of men talking dirty yet have girlfriends or wives. And when you look on their page, they are professing their love to their significant other with the same disgusting mouth that they just used to tell me what they could do for me. I’m talkiing dick pics in the inbox and all. I really do mot believe in love.

    • Toni Wiggins

      I totally understand the trust issues. People can be very deceitful and once you have been deceived by a person who promises to be everything and more, to and for you it’s hard to bounce back from that. BUT don’t allow the mistakes of others, make you cheat yourself. He is out there. We just have to learn how to exercise the art of patience. And align ourselves with people, places and things that will broaden our chances of meeting him. Believe it or not just like we have been lied to, and taken advantage of. There is a man out there that has been suffering the same struggles as us.

  • Tisha

    Being single is something I have always been and it has never bothered me lmao! I learn something new about myself every day and I’d much rather be happy and single than in a relationship that brought me stress, anxiety and grief as it seems many people are today. Great post!

  • Kat

    I haven’t been single for a number of years. There is nothing wrong with it at all. There’s a misconception that you have to have someone instead of looking and taking your time to find the right one.

  • Bridgid

    I love your attitude on this. I am married and it’s hard hearing this stuff come from me but I try to tell my sister this sort of stuff all the time. She always feels like she just has to have a man and I’m like girl just be single, it’s ok! haha Why waste your time on someone just so you aren’t single? Live your life and flourish, sis, and when/if the time is right that right person will come along for the ride. ?

  • Tonia

    My faith in God made being single less of a burden and more of a joy. I discovered who I was in Christ and what He had planned for me. It made my union with my now husband even greater. We dated for a short period and we’re engaged for an even shorter period, because we were ready for one another after our seasons of singleness.

  • Tione

    Being single is a choice and one should know what they want before jumping into a relationship. Relationships are not always good either. It takes time and much effort.

  • Eva

    I remember some unfortunate dating experiences, but I can’t say I ever disliked being single. By the time I was good and comfortable being single, I met the man I have been with for the last 14 years, married to for 15. It was the beginning of online dating, so I never got into it, but I’m not sure I could manage dating in the Tinder generation.

  • Mimi Green

    There is nothing wrong with being single. Matter of fact I should have spent more time being single, I learned so much about myself. I hate that society thinks you need a mate or you die. How about I can be single and just LIVE!

  • Zuqueta

    I don’t know why we subject singles to so much scrutiny. I think sometimes it’s because others secretly envy that freedom that comes with being single. But I am glad you’re living your best life on your terms! Happy Holiday!

  • Kiwi

    Girl you must of wrote this post with me in mind. Yes I would love to be in a relationship but this single phase I am in is giving me lots of self discovery. I am enjoying ME and when the right guy come he will be a welcome addition to myself not my whole life.

  • Nijah J

    hahahah @ “Unless I am too lazy to look real cute, be interesting and engaging all at once.” #thestruggle
    but yeah this dating pool is…interesting to say the least but I believe God has the one set aside just for me, and in the meantime, I’m definitely enjoying my singleness, learning more and more about me, exploring the world, building, and did I mention being FABULOUS??!!! uhkay!
    When the time comes, I will be in a fruitful and meaningful relationship…with the right person and at the right time 😉

  • Sheena

    Hello, Toni. I love this blog. I am a single woman living in N. California. I recently decided to try online dating(again), because meeting people is a little challenging. It would be nice to find companionship, but I’m OK being single until he RIGHT one comes along.

  • Asea

    Girl this is so real! Dating takes a lot of energy. To be honest, there are many perks of single hood. I do enjoy being married, but its a lot of work. Shoot I miss being able to just do me sometimes. Biggest thing is just being grateful for where we are in life.

  • Joanna

    Dating is a HEADACHE! lol I’ve done blind dates, met someone when I was out and tried setting up dates, but they all went horribly wrong. I just do my own thing now. Will I turn down a potential mate? No, but I’m not actively seeking anyone like I used to. It’s annoying

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