Lifestyle,  Mind, Body & Soul

Healthy Living | Knowing When It Is Time To Cut Ties With Toxic People For Personal Growth

How many times have we been in situations where house guests have come to visit, but stayed entirely too long? They may have come over to kick it for a while, maybe have a few drinks, share some food, fun and laughter. Then when all is said and done go home, within a reasonable amount of time. Sometimes you encounter a guest who does not know when to say when. And ultimately ends up over staying their welcome. I am sure many of us have been in situations similar to this, too many times to count.

Wondering How To Let People Go

So how do you handle a situation like this? Do you just allow these unwanted guests to stick around? Do you send out smoke signals or just grin and bare it? Do you relay to these people that you are tired and it is time for them to go home? Most of the time we usually just tell folks that it is time to go, no matter how uncomfortable it may be. So why is it so hard for us to do this within our personal lives? We allow people to take up residency in our lives. Without ever mentioning to them that we are tired, and it is time for them to exit our lives permanently.

You have this good girlfriend that has been down with you for years. You guys may have possibly grown up together and used to be attached at the hip. You are your sisters keeper, and she is yours. Although you have had this awesome relationship, there is no longer any growth within this bond. There is no positive energy flow. Making for mediocre conversations, and interactions that are awkward. Her energy is always off, and mentally you two are in difference phases in your life. Hell most of the time you rather avoid her. Why? She seems stuck in a place where you no longer reside, and you have simply outgrown her.

He is the love of your life. You met him at a time when your life was different, you were different. But as the years slipped away you begin to notice that you no longer can relate to one another. He tells you constantly that you have changed and not for the better. He finds ways to insert negative energy into your life, no matter the situation. You love him, but there seems to be no growth with him and within your relationship. The relationship has become stagnant and you can’t figure out how to fix it, or if you even want to.

The common factor with both of these situations is that these relationships are years strong. You do not want to walk away from either, because you truly love both of these people. They have been in your life for what seems to be forever. So you choose to stay connected with both of them as you do not want to be unloyal to the union or the people involved. But why is it that we are more loyal to people than we are loyal to our inner peace and personal space? Yes it is difficult for us to cut ties, but it is more difficult to keep people in your life who does nothing for you. Letting go of these spirits are necessary for our personal growth. That’s why knowing when and how to place self first is an important thing for us to do.

As some of us we grow, we begin to mature mentally and spiritually. Our views, needs and wants begin to change causing shifts in our lives. Those shifts that we experience has major impacts on our personal relationships, causing us to out grow some of them. And yes I know the idea sucks, but we need to realize that every relationship, intimate or otherwise is not meant to last forever.

Relationships are similar to food. Both come with expiration dates. They only difference between the two is that food comes with a expiration date attached. With people you have to pay attention to certain things in order to know when a relationship has reached it’s life expectancy. Once you have figured out that this exchange has run it’s course. Then it is important to detox yourself of these partnerships. And willingly let go.

As people we love to hold on to what once was. We reminisce and have difficulty accepting what is current. The past tends to represent sentimental times in our lives, good or bad. Our inability to let go and move on causes more harm than good. Yes change is hard, but is needed for the betterment of self. Also knowing that everyone is not privileged enough to continue this journey of life with us is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves.

Change does take time, and it is a lot of hard work. So you should never want nor allow anyone to stand in the way of your formation. It is not beneficial to you. So in moments like this, it is ok to be selfish. Placing yourself first is what is needed, in order for you to continue growing.

In conclusion, it is ok to open your hand and let go. Your mind, body and soul will thank you later.



Toni  ?



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  • RedefiningHERstory/ejnosillA

    I love this blog post… I just did one about letting go of toxic people… It is so true… as you mature and I call them She-Piphany Moments on my blog… you begin to want more out of life and your friends in your Sista circles. I have found that it was easier for me to graciously let people go as I grew up and matured. Toxic people are not allowed in my life because I don’t need… or want the added headaches or heartbreaks… but they revelation came with a lot of bumps and bruises along the way… you know what I mean… thanks for sharing and stay blessed Queen!

    • Toni Wiggins

      Hey! Thank you, I read your post also. It’s good to know that I am not the only spreading the word. We need to surround ourselves with positivity. And the first step in doing that is releasing all of that negative mess in our lives!!

  • Venus

    I love this! It’s truly ok to be selfish when it comes to your health and we’ll being! I’m at an age where I refuse to allow anyone to make me uncomfortable and unhappy at their expense. Unt uh.. nooooo

  • Erica @ Black Bloggers Network

    This post is great! I agree that there comes a point and time when a relationship must come to an end and that’s definitely when the stress of it begins to effect your overall health and well being. Thanks for sharing such informative information!

  • Candice

    I’ve only told someone that I had to let them go once in my life, but there were many times that I never did it and regretted it. I just sort of cut myself off from the person. Now that I’m older I see that it’s wiser to verbally let people know when you’ve outgrown each other, so there’s no hard feelings and a clean break.

  • Neek Neek (KeeNvision)

    I can attest to this. I have had to let go of past friendships, and it was the best decision to make. Currently, I have a friend battling co-dependence in her life. And, I realized that is where I was years ago; holding on to a lifeless relationship that didn’t help me become a better me. Thanks for the refresher.

  • Keisha

    This. Right. Here. I’ve been evaluating my circle for the last two years. As I approach a milestone birthday, I’m constantly reminded of folks from the past. But when I then of me then and now…I’m thankful!

  • Felecia Monique

    I just had to leave a toxic relationship in the dust. It was hard but I KNEW it had to be done. I had to initiate it and otherwise we would have been stuck in a sunken place for a long time.

  • Michelle Thames

    I couldn’t agree more. I had to cut ties with several toxic people and I don’t feel bad about it.

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