Love & Relationships

Dating 101 | “Why He May Not Be Courting You, After He Has Your Undivided Attention”

“He has your attention, so now what?”

You’re on your way home, hustling to get to your final destination for the evening. You’ve had a long day and you’re kind of tired. All you can envision is getting home, peeling out of your cloths, taking a nice hot shower, and laying down for the rest of the evening. Suddenly your thoughts are interrupted. You hear the sexy masculine voice of a man say “Excuse me Miss, can I have a moment of your time?”

Man Courting A Woman

Hesitantly you turn around ready to be dismissive, but upon first glance you notice that he’s very easy on the eyes. He has a full set of nicely whitened teeth, fresh breathe (which is a bonus), and an overall nice and neat appearance. So you think to yourself “One minute won’t hurt.” You interact briefly and he asks for your phone number. Numbers are exchanged and just like that your on your way.

Well time has passed. You and Mr. Handsome have been conversing on the phone for about a month, maybe even two. He surely has your undivided attention. So you begin to ask yourself…. “Hmmm when is he going to ask me out on a date?” 9 times out of 10 if a substantial amount of time has passed, and you haven’t been extended an open invitation to at least dinner or even a movie, then guess what? It’s probably not going to happen.

In a situation such as this, do you say something? Or do you just wait it out? For me personally there’s a window of time that should be allowed. Now that window of time solely differs from person to person. What I will say is if a man doesn’t offer to spend some face to face time with you within the first few conversations, and he is gainfully employed. Then he’s not interested in you and if that’s the case, then he isn’t about to invest any of his finances on you.

Ladies how many times has this been an issue for you? I know for me personally, in the past, more times than i’d care to count. Long gone are the days when men are actively pursuing us, just to get to know us better. Men used to actually call you, instead of texting you a few lines. They would actively try to take you out for a night on town. Now they just want to come over to your pad, have you cook, then Netflix and chill.

What happened? Has times changed that drastically? Where did we go wrong? For starters a lot of us woman sell ourselves short, and because of that men feel as though every woman is the same and no hard work is required. A lot of us are accepting late nights and early mornings. We no longer require men to get to know us better by building friendships, or spending quality time. There are no longer expectations of meaningful conversations, or fun nights out on the town.

Instead we have traded down and become way too accepting of ill behavior, while setting the bar extremely low. The dating scene has dried up dramatically so some of us are just so happy and thirsty that someone is taking an interest in us. We are now just accepting whatever. In our minds we don’t want to rock the boat and scare a potential candidate away. Surely I’m not saying that the whole male species is ruined and has become a lost cause.

There are some brothers out there that are able, willing and ready to court you but… They don’t have a clue on where to begin. How is this even possible you ask? Well some men weren’t taught how to properly pursue a woman. Many lack a positive male role model, and these lessons are nonexistent.Now I’m not saying that a single mother isn’t able to teach her male son these things, because that is totally untrue. The problem is in some circumstances, if a woman hasn’t been taught how to be treated. How can she give someone any lessons on how they should be treating another female?

In addition, you have the men who haven’t had to activity pursue a woman. I’m talking no word play, date nights, or quality time spent. Scary isn’t it? But all hope isn’t lost thankfully. You may cross paths with a man that doesn’t have the know how but is willing to learn. If that’s the case then my dear you may have a fighting chance. You just have to be patient, and willing to teach him how to treat you. And that’s when your hard work will pay off.

Things to know;

Know that it’s ok if a man is unwilling to meet your wants and needs. Know that there will be another man that will come along and give you everything you require and more. Just please stop settling and know that it is ok to be single until the right man comes along. Be patient and know exactly what you want. Set standards for yourself, be vocal about your wants, needs and expectations. And don’t expect a person to automatically know what your looking for if you have no clue. If you want something that is real and to be taken more seriously, then you have to take yourself seriously.And be selective on who you decide to give your time and attention to.

Ladies, what are your thoughts?

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  • MelTy

    I believe that “those kind of men” should be immediately thrown back into the pool of fresh fish. Every women has those outfits that they want to put on and feel beautiful as they hit the streets with that new possible boo that makes them feel that their perfect in every way and go to all those pretty Restaraunts that they pass day in and day out and say to themselves I want to go but not by myself. Every woman should pride themselves as first making themselves feel like a Queen so then when that possibile King comes along they automatically know what will not be accepted. Example a Man approaching a woman in Gucci won’t invite her to Burger King. And we shouldn’t have to wear Gucci to be treated as we are the shit! N**** You can’t see my “GUCCI” unless you really invest in this!!!

    • Dany

      ///////////////இந்த பிரச்சனைக்கெல்லாம் காரணம் முதலாளித்துவம்னு நான் நினைச்சிட்டு இருக்கேன் ஆனா பாருங்க சில அறிவாளிகள் அந்நிய மூலதனம் ஏகாதிபத்தியம்தான் காரணம்னு சொல்றாங்க////////////தத்துவ கோணி தியாகு – அந்திய மூலதனம் à®ÂÃ Â®Â•Ã Â®Â¾Ã Â®Â¤Ã Â®Â¿Ã Â®ÂªÃ Â®Â¤Ã Â¯ÂÃ Â®Â¤Ã Â®Â¿Ã Â®Â¯Ã Â®Â¤Ã Â¯ÂÂதிமெல்லாம் முதலாளித்துவம் இல்லயா என்ற என் கேள்விக்கு என்ன பதில்?///////அந்திய மூலதனம் காரணம் என்று யாரà¯001000 எப்போ எங்க சொன்னாங்க, அப்படி சொல்லியிருந்தா அதுல என்ன தப்புன்னு விளக்குங்க? /////////அதுல என்ன தப்புன்னு என்னோட கேள்விக்கு என்ன பதில்?

  • Reema

    Hey, Toni! I love it! You are correct. WE as women have set our standards to low and make it too easy for them and then it’s on to the next woman. I say spend time with thyself and get to know thyself better and take a look around. What are you willing to put up with? It’s not easy, but of we don’t respect ourselves then how can we expect a man to? Men know when a woman has low self esteem. He knows when he has her “in his back pocket”. Basically, it’s down hill from there. So, I say it’s starts from within. We ad woman should know when to say no, I’m not dealing with this. I’m too good for you. Plain and simple!

  • Jay Colby

    This is an topic that needs be touch on more. I’m glad you were able to share this. I’ve always believed in the theory “we attract who we”. If you seem to only attract people who aren’t successful, lazy, unmotivated and untrustworthy. It may be something inside of you attracting this person. Great article!

    • Dragon

      Extraordinary SiimS#8230;&teply have expressing the content will likely be as amazing. The clearness for your post is merely spectacular and i’ll think you might be a professional relating to this specific subject materials. Well along together with your permission i’d like …

  • Courtney

    Although our relationship is still fairly new, I am so appreciative of the courting period me and my honey had. I hadn’t been in a relationship for going on 3 years and I’m glad I had some time to figure out what I wanted and would / wouldn’t accept. A month of conversation and no face-to-face? Nexttt

      • Kory

        Sehr guter Artikel in dem man einmal einen guten Überblick über die Statistik bekommt. Ich bin Rentner und muss sagen, dass ich es immer noch gut finde zu arbeiten. Man bekommt dadurch die sozialen Kontakte, die man auch im Alter noch braucht. Ich verteile u.a. noch Zeitungen in der Woche und bessere so meine Rente auf. Auch in meinem Umfeld gibt es etwa noch 30 Prozent Rentner, die noch einer Arbeit nachgehen.Liebe Gr22#52;&#2&3;e, Stefan

  • RedefiningHERstory/ejnosillA

    I am a firm believer that if a man wants to date me… he must pursue me… Nowadays, women have become the hunter and men are the hunted. Times may have drastically changed, but somethings will never change… and that’s the true essence of a man. Men still like to be the hunter and once we become easy prey… meaning we are hunting them down… chasing after them… once they get what they want… they keep it moving… Just Saying!! Stay Blessed Queen ~ ejnosillA

    • Toni Wiggins

      Pretty much. If a man wants you, he will pursue you. And if he does not, then he is really not interested at all.
      So I am with you. You must pursue me or keep it pushing.

  • RaNesha

    Awesome article Queen I’ve been in relationship for almost 8 years so something’s I have forgotten about. I am going to hit share.

  • Evelyn Reese

    Toni, standards have lowered among the women and the men seem to know. We need to get back the standards our parents and grandparents especially in respecting ourselves first. We are queens and desire to be treated as such. There is a generation watching us.

    • Toni Wiggins

      Hell to the nah. You not courting me, your not wasting my time. Period. There are some still out there who dates. You just gotta shift threw all the garbage first.

  • Ivelisse

    You are 100% right about having standards! That kind of guy described is just playing with your emotions and time. The right one will come and know exactly what you love because he was chosen for you by God.

    Ivelisse |

  • Jennifer

    I think every man and woman should have standards when it comes to dating! When I was single, one of the things guys would chastise me about was the standards I had. I used to think maybe they were right. Maybe I shouldn’t have set standards, but later I realized they were so WRONG! It’s important to know what you want in a relationship and not be afraid to stand up for yourself and what you want. Otherwise, someone may mistreat you and walk all over you. When I met my husband, I let him know right away what my standards were. He knows I don’t play! Lol! Great post!

    • Toni Wiggins

      I think we all should have set standards as well. Some of us do, some don’t and some have either too many or ones that are unrealistic. It’s good to have them, it helps set the tone of the relationship. And thank u.

  • Mimi Green

    I’ve been out of the dating pool for 13 years now. However, I believe in asking for what you want. If you are vibing nicely and he hasn’t asked. Ask if he would like to hang out, if not keep him in the friend zone if you want or keep it pushing.

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